True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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