So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
