I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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