PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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