I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
