I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
