I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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