One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
soo... how was my night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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