thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
