I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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