So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
