Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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