I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
