nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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