Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
