I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
