On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His hands were made for my vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
