i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is classic penis vs brain.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize