It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
