i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
