Someone shit on the floor
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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