it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
