he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
