I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
