I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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