i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize