My brain says no but my pants say off.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
