Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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