remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Success! We fucked roommates!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
