Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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