My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
