Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
bring money and cleavage
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
