so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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