You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
