I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize