I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
