i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
