Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
