i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
