kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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