His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
