i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
