I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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