I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
