i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
