oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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