apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
