Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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