i already hear my dad disowning me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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