you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
