I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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