I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
