he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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