Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
