i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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