can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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