He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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