so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
