Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
