dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
