If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize