I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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