You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize