You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
