I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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