Please, let me fuck your mom
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
