Can i not drive my cunt home
time to smoke my breakfast
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
