so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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