I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
