Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
