If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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