My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
