i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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